I wrote this article before the recent Pepsi rebranding. I kept seeing that blue can and thinking, why on earth don’t they return to the classic red, white and blue? It just looks so much better; an absolute classic. The old Diet Pepsi can is still one of my all-time favourites.

It seems like I was onto something, and they have since changed their branding.

Let's see if they become the choice of a new generation again soon.

Dear Pepsi,

I was looking for a drink at my local corner shop and fancied something sweet. Looking at the rows of brightly coloured cans, I settled on a Coke. On the way out, a can of Pepsi caught my eye. I hadn’t had a Pepsi for a long time and thought I’d get one next time.

The next time came, and I picked up a Coke. Again totally missing Pepsi. It turns out Pepsi is like dark matter in the universe. I know it exists, but I’ll be damned if I can see it.

Now, I don’t want to belittle the work of the agency that designed it or the marketing team that no doubt loved it. But a Pepsi can is the equivalent of the guy in your office who turns up in a suit on dress-down Friday, that weird friend who orders plain chicken on a trip to Nandos, or the kind of person who goes to the hottest swingers club in town only to stand at the side of the room moaning about the buffet.

You used to be so cool. Iconic branding. Invited to the coolest events — Madonna, MJ, Britney and Pepsiman. You were responsible for my desire to live in Marion Cobretti’s beach house because he had a giant neon Pepsi sign outside his building.

I get it. You got old — it happens to us all — and wanted to be taken seriously. Like me, you reached an age where afternoon naps are a great idea. You can’t eat spicy food anymore and are scared of drinking water past 8 pm as you’ll be up at 3 am needing to piss.

Speaking of thick, dark, syrupy piss, look at your buddy Coke. Immortalised by Andy Warhol and drunk by US presidents, he never felt the need to grow up. His look stayed the same. Timeless, classic, red and white. Symbolising freedom, liberty, togetherness and child obesity. Sugar tax? What sugar tax? The UK Government asked Coke what it was rebelling at, and Coke replied: “What have you got”?

What we have all got on this planet is limited time. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this Pepsi, but the world is going to shit right now. Wage inequality, rising energy prices, crumbling social infrastructure, NFTs, AI, and Ed Sheeran having 10 of the 20 best-selling singles of the last year. It's end-of-day stuff.

The wealthiest man on the planet looked at the climate and the world’s problems and decided the best solution was to buy a social media platform.

We’re fucked. We don’t need uptight Pepsi right now. We need the old party Pepsi back. The fun time Pepsi.

The final days of this world need you to be a lip-smacking, thirst quenching, ace tasting, motivating, good buzzing, cool talking, high walking, fast living, ever giving, cool fizzing motherfucker.

Yours with love

Chris Rain, Co-founder and Creative director of and jump

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